Somewhere along the line, this page 'broke'... and now I'm sitting here, scratching my head, both sorta wondering where the heck this page went, and why I'm fixing it instead of just deleting the smiley-face icon with a pimp hat that you clicked in order to get here.

As a happily married Dad with two beautiful kids, I'm still going to throw you a bone here... in tribute to 2009 Trav's ass-backwards way of thinking.

1.  Be respectful.  Not being a piece of human garbage is key in your success when dealing with the opposite sex.  Be nice.  Be funny.  Don't be a dick.  

2.  When approaching a group of women, talk to the "Heavy" girl first.  

If somehow you're a woman on my website and have this misfortune of reading this, I'm sorry.  

That said, if you are a fat woman, and you hang out with groups of friends, you are by far the most approachable in the group... and you will often be a liason to meeting everyone else.

The least attractive woman is the best one to approach, as her friends will often be excited to see someone expressing interest in the friend who probably has the least success with men-folk.

It's fucking terrible.  I don't even know why I'm writing this.  But I just can't bring myself to delete the icon.

2.  Make your home comfortable.

If your crib is disgusting, you are probably also disgusting.  Clean your damn room, you filthy person.  And, have an assortment of snacks / high quality beverages.  That's just being a good host.  If people feel comfortable in your home, they might feel comfortable nude in your home. It's the transitive property of nudity. 

3.  Do not, under any circumstance, stop to get food after the bar. 

This is such a terrible strategic error, and I see people make it all the time.  

Don't go get a slice of pizza.  Don't stop at Wawa for the meatball hoagie.  You can grab snacks at your place... assuming that you have made your home comfortable.  

There's no easier way to make a girl feel bloated and uncomfortable than floating pizza on a stomach full of beer.  It's just common sense.

She'd rather go fart in an Uber than go home with your dumb ass.  

That's it.  I'm going to go take a shower.  I feel a thin film of the grime of 2009 Trav.